When leading or generally interacting with others at work, consciously or unconsciously, we choose default “relational modalities.” In other words, we act passively, assertively, or aggressively. Awareness of your default mode will increase your relational agility and leadership efficacy.
Passivity, on the far right of the Assertiveness Spectrum, is a fear-based state in which ego needs are met by pleasing others, getting approval, being liked, and so on. Passivity has the lowest leadership-effectiveness correlation and generally drains energy and vitality from teams, divisions, and organizations.
There are several gradations toward Passivity. By degree, they are Strategic, Manipulative, and Avoidant. All these relational modalities, to some extent, require you to yield power.
On the far right of the spectrum, we find the relational modality of Aggression. Counterintuitively, Aggression is also a fear-based relational modality in which the need to dominate is often proportional to an individual’s level of fear. Domineering or aggressive leadership styles tend to deliver short term benefit but at high, long-term cost.
By degree, the gradations toward Aggression are Directive, Controlling, and Domineering. All these relational modalities require some attempt to control.
Passivity and Aggression have their place, incidentally, but should be reserved for extreme events and circumstances. If bandits rob the bank while you’re there making a deposit, for example, you want to be passive and do as you’re told. If someone is harming a child, of course you will want to access aggression to protect the child.
Most relational circumstances are not extreme, however. Therefore, highly functioning organizational cultures cultivate “trust” cultures in which their people can show up with their passion. Assertiveness, with the ability to tap the Strategic and Directive modalities depending on the circumstances, is the recommended default relational modality for leaders of functional workplace cultures.
To see someone accessing Assertiveness is to see someone speaking their passion with clarity, making plenty of room for listening and considering of other perspectives, and then having the maturity to understand that she or he will not necessarily get their way.
Assertive requires courage. The courage to stand up, stand out, and to lean in. The courage to shun manipulation and avoidance. And the courage to lead without dominating or controlling.
Which part of the spectrum is your default relational modality?
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Fern EPC specializes in growing your most valuable resource, the cognitive and passion energies of your people. Website: fernepc.com