Shame is antithetical to effective leadership. It’s a fear-based emotion that keeps you thinking about yourself. Competent leadership requires altruism.
Shame, sometimes referred to as insecurity, can impede or debilitate new, young, and sometimes even seasoned leaders. Worse yet, shame will prevent some of your most talented people from stepping up, speaking out, leaning in, and taking leadership roles.
When someone feels insecure, they spend their cognitive and emotional energies anticipating and avoiding perceived threats: “I don’t belong here with these smart people. What will they think of me? What I have to say is not worthwhile. I’m afraid I’ll say or do something stupid. I must act out to keep up.”
The most egregious examples of shame-based leadership are narcissism, bravado, or tyrannical arrogance. Narcissists are the most insecure people on the planet. It takes confidence to be altruistic.
Antonio Machado says, “The eye you see is not an eye because you see it; it is an eye because it sees you.”[i] In other words, effective leaders are able to forget themselves and see other people. They see potential and see solutions because they are not preoccupied with seeing themselves.
The curse of a wonderful mind is that we often make meaning so quickly that the voices of shame exist inside of us just out of full-conscious view. Since the cognitive and emotional energies of your people are your organization’s most valuable resource, it’s excruciating to imagine the cost of shame.
Immunity to Change adaptive coaching works to empower leaders by reclaiming misdirected cognitive and emotional energies.
[i] Antonio Machado, translated from Spanish by Robert Bly.